Smaug Goes 2 Cash 4 Gold
by TehGiantGoblinNibbles
Summary: Smaug the Dragon learns how retarded he has been and goes on a magical adventure to get bitches.


Smaug teh Dragon wuz sittin in his cave dreaming about fire and genocide. It was nice, but then he woke up and felt his back.

"Son-of-a-witch king!" he shouted, "my back is hurting me!"

Smaug looked at all the Dwarven gold he had been using as a mattress and realized something. "The hell am I doing sleepin' on gold?" he asked himself. "Dats retarded." Surprised at how retarded he had been, Smaug decided he need to do something.

"I am sleepin on teh gold," he said to himself, "and teh gold is worth teh moniez. And moniez gets you bitches. Imma take all dis gold to someplace!"

Smaug was pleased with his nonretardedness, and got out his giant iphone (cuz everyone has 1) and looked up what to do wit da gold.

"I'll take it to Cash 4 Gold and get moniez and the bitches!" he announced. But then he realized something. "Wait...I am teh dragon. They will not accept me. I must make an incognito." So Smaug ripped off the comical dwarf beards from the dwarf skeletons and made himself a giant fake mustache.

"Perfect," he said in his perfect human-dragon voice. He then picked up a bunch of gold and flew out of the cave and to da nearest Cash 4 Gold. He found it easily because of his smexy dragoon eyes and rammed his head into the front door.

"Hello," he said once again in his best human-dragon voice, "I am here to get da bitches."

"Well you haf found dem," said the gawky teenage boy behind da counter. "Jus kiddin" he replied with a smile. "Trolololololo!"

"MEMES B NO FUNNY!" Smaug roared. He got so peessed off dat he burnt down da cash 4 gold. Smaug then realized the error of his ways, and thought of a clever ruse to keep up his disguize.

"Shouldn't have eaten teh taco bell," he acted holding his giant dragon tummy. He then flew off until he spotted another Cash 4 Gold wit his smexy drag eyes (which were smexy). He rammed his head in the door again.

"I have brought gold to get bitches," Smaug announced. The 2nd gawky teenager looked at Smaug's gigantic smexy head crashing through teh door.

"Iz liek yours moosetachy," he told Smaug.

"It is smexy."

"So I will help you get your cash," the teenager said in his highpitched girl voice cuz hes balls were higher dan a homeless wizard. "Can I get your naem 1st, plz?"

Smaug hadn't thought up of a name, so he quickly thought of the smexiest most great human name his dragon mind could think of.

"I am teh Benedict Cumberbatch," Smaug told him.

"Ok doke," da teen replied. "I will c da gold now."

Smaug handded him all his gold and da teen looked it over.

"Sir," da teen told hym with frowny face, "we can't take dis gold, it is covered in dragon peepees & poopoos."

"But I am teh Cumberbatch," Smaug roared.

"Yes, but it has icky peepees & poops on it."

"I have to go somewhere!"

"Wut?"

"I meanie, I SHOULDNUT HAF EATTED DA TACO BELL!" Smaug roared qwuickly as he burned down anutter Cash 4 Gold to keep his incongnetoo. Smaug den flew away and found the 3rd Cash 4 Gold in the Middle Earths. He rammed his head in and yelled "do yall take gold wit da dragonn peepees & crap? I am teh Cumberbatch."

An orc man running der cash register looked at Smaug and nodded. "You gonna get bitches?"

"hellz yeh!"

"Den we aint got no prob!" Smaug threw all of his gold at the orc and the orc wrote a check to Smaug 4 "as much as he needs to get teh bitches."

Smaug was happy dat he had the moniez, and quickly went to Middle Walmart and bought a dragon sized bed, a dragon sized tv, a dragon sized xbox wit da Halolz, and a bunch of bitches. Smaug went back home and played haloo on his bed on his tv on his xbox wit his bitches. He did this until dah qwarky Hobbit Bilbo Baggins showed up.

"The hairy-footed hell is going on in here?" he asked.

"Hey hippie Hobbit," Smaug said to him with a dragon smile, "you wants to play da halo wit me? I am in campaign."

"Hellz yesh!" Bilbobthebuilder replied as he picked up the controller and started playing. They played halo for hours and hours and hours until the 3rd movie finally came out. Gandolf then came into da cave and wuz like "Bilbooo you need to save teh middle earth!"

"No Gannondorf," Bilbobobo told him, "I don't like dwarves and haloz too good." Smaug then ated deh wizard.

"Dat was good wizard," he burpied.

"Ha, Iz headshotted you," John Watson laughed. The two then spent the other 3 movies hanging out and playing halo on the dragon bed forever until they both OD'd on weed.

**Fin**


End file.
